Don’t become an alienator yourself. This is one of the most important things to remember when combating parental alienation. It’s only natural to feel under attack or fight back and try to explain yourself. Additionally, you may want to tell your child all of the horrible things the other parent has done. Don’t do it! This is a form of parental alienation as well. Don’t get suckered into responding to false allegations and get in a war of he said versus she said.
Don’t stop trying to make contact with your child – ever. Even if you’re pretty sure your emails, telephone messages, voicemails, etc. are being intercepted and never reaching your child, don’t give up. Changes may not occur in the short term, so keep a journal or calendar of all your efforts to make contact with your child. This could, in the long-term, prove useful for both you and your child when and if they find out the truth.
Don’t blame your child. It’s vital to recognize that your child is a victim in this whole situation. This can be challenging because the alienating parent quite likely has programmed your child to spy on you, challenge you, and report back on everything you said and did, who you talked to, who was at your home, etc. This is not your child’s fault and it’s important that you don’t blame or become angry with them. This type of behavior only feeds into what the alienating parent is telling your child.
Tell your child you love them all the time. Whenever you get to see your child, tell them that you love them and care about them. Tell your child that they are always on your mind. Make your child feel cared about and cherished.
Always use positive language. This is one of the items on the checklist that is the most overlooked by parents. Instead of telling your child “I miss you,” tell them that you can’t wait to see them again. Avoid any negative language, even if it’s subtle. Saying that you miss your child shows regret, which is a negative emotion. By saying that you can’t wait to see them again, you are using positive language and excitement.
Keep yourself under control. Find a way to handle your emotions and follow any orders or agreements issued by the court. Don’t give the alienating parent any reason to make you the villain to your children. Keep in mind that an alienating parent doesn’t need any ammunition, because they can always make something up. If they do make something up, this is easier to overcome. While it may be hard to keep your emotions in check, find someone to talk to such as a friend, family member, or therapist.
Just be yourself. You are enough. Don’t overcompensate. Act as you normally do, and by doing so, you won’t appear to be who the alienating parent is saying you are. Don’t try to be extra-special; just be the caring and loving person you are. Remember that actions speak louder than words.
Keep to your plan. If you have special plans or arrangements that include your child, leave them in place – even if you think the alienating parent will not let you have the children. If you are late or don’t show up even one time, the alienating parent will twist that around and present it as proof to your child that you don’t care about them. Make memorable moments with your child. Something as simple as talking while on a long walk or doing something with just you and your child such as playing catch, reading a book, or watching a movie can be made into a memorable moment. It’s not about having fun all the time; it’s about creating a memory that will stay with