Parental alienation is a term that refers to a child’s rejection of one parent and the subsequent damage caused by that rejection. There may be several reasons for alienation to take place. Here we will have a look at the top 10 signs of parental alienation. Before that we need to know what parental alienation is.
What is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation is when a child is manipulated by one parent in order to harm the relationship between the other parent and their child. This can happen when a child is accused of something that they didn’t do or told to lie about the things their Dad or Mom did with them. It is an extreme form of emotional abuse in which a child purposely does something to hurt his or her other parent, usually with their parent’s consent.
The Different Types of Parental Alienation
Parental alienation is a persistent, malignant and destructive form of child abuse. It is a type of brainwashing which instills in the children an irrational and intense hatred for the other parent. This behaviour can take many forms. These include refusal to speak with the other parent, disregarding holidays, birthdays, and family functions celebrating alone or with the abuser, unexplained absences from school without prior notice to the other parent, extreme insensitivity to the needs of the other parent, etc.
Signs and Symptoms of Parental Alienation in Children
It may happen when one parent tries to pull a child away from the other parent. It can cause damage in a variety of ways. Children may experience depression, anxiety, and increased risk for debilitating stress-related disorders. The most common signs of parental alienation are when a child changes his or her language preference away from the other parent, stops talking to their other parent, and starts saying hurtful things about them.
It alters the basic dynamics of a healthy family and prevents children from forming healthy relationships with both parents. Signs that your child may be experiencing parental alienation include a significant drop in their grades, an abrupt change in behaviour, or if they begin to talk about one parent’s unfair behaviours in a negative way. This often happens when there has been a significant family break-up or when parents have divorced
Conclusion
Parental alienation is a situation in which one parent emotionally manipulates the other and gradually takes over the parenting responsibilities. This includes preventing the alienated parent from seeing their children and also stops them from being part of the daily activities of the children. Often, this is done to punish or control another person and it is detrimental to everyone involved. This all leads to the toxic environment all around the person. To keep oneself away from all this, join the support group for parental alienation.
Hi,
my parent is convinced that she and I am a victim of parental alienation by my father. They were in a nasty separation and eventually my 2 sisters and me began living solely with my father at age 16 and cut all contact with mom because I was tired of the back and forth nasty things BOTH parties had to say about each other – hers got worse, to the point that I felt trapped and fearful when she would make a point to talk down about him (and try and convince me to live with her full time so he would have to pay her support money) on long car rides when she knew I wasn’t able to leave. To note, my father encouraged me to seek independent counselling and start a relationship again with her during this time, and eventually respected me after I asked him to stop talking negatively about her. Anyway, 10 years later and we have had minimal contact with our mom over the years. The last phone call I had, I initiated and she is still stuck in her own world accusing him of ruining our lives and will not listen to my side of the story / want to move on and create our own relationship without talking about him. In fact, she told me I needed to seek professional help and that one day I will realize what is happening to me. Yet, I am very successful, in a healthy relationship, have a great job, my masters degree, and have seen a therapist over the years who has never noticed any signs of abuse/alienation – she on the other hand has had issues in all of these areas. She sends me holiday cards about reuniting as a family yet it seems she is convinced that we’re victims of abuse and doesn’t want to move on and start fresh. I don’t see it and in fact believe she has some deep issues of her own that she masks by claiming my sisters and I were stolen from her by my father. To note, she has also openly tried to convince all of my family members (both sides of the family) that this is the case including making up stories about my sisters and I being physically abused by him (which never happened).
Any suggestions on how I can let her know I am not being abused and in fact made up my own mind about her?? I have never expressed hatred towards her and in fact have resquested that we mend our past and move forward – but she won’t until I admit what she believes (that she thinks we are victims of alienation)
** I am very aware that parental alienation is real and affects families like mine – however, I’m talking about my individual case.
Hi Hannah,
It sound like a really painful and challanging experience.
If you want a relationship with your mom a empathetic response might be useful. It is not about wrong or right its about acknowledging the other persons feelings and needs. Once we feel heard and seen it creates a spaciousness for love, connection and change.
Any form of estrangement or alienation is so complex and anxiety provoking the only way through it is a place of love. This is an incredible challanging place to get to. Non violent communication is a life saving tool for every relationship in my life.
Google NVC if you are wanting some new pathways, there are a plethora of videos, groups and information that I think will be very useful.
good luck:))
I am father who is alienated from his children from his boys by there mother . I am looks for support groups to help get through this .
Hi Matthew,
I hope to see you at a meeting. The support of the group has changed my life. Please check you email or spam for all meeting links and info.
Hello, I am the non-residential mother (for the last 3 years of our daughters 14 years, our daughter spent the first 11 years solely in my care). Ever since our daughters father was granted custody, he has committed varying levels and degrees of parental alienation. Not only in regards to our standard parenting time but also emotionally and verbally as well. Especially when COVID-19 hit. (Even though our specific county and state clearly addressed parenting time in regards to the pandemic.) Her father, alongside his parents, (they abide in the same household) eventually keeping her from us for over a 14- month period. He threw away any and all letters we wrote to our daughter and him and his mom and dad. He changed his residence without informing me. He blocked me from him and his parents phones. He forbade her to contract me in any and every way. Come to find out, him and his family would make me the butt of their jokes, often taking turns making fun of me. If she tried to stand up for me she would be punished. If she spoke of me she would be punished. Eventually, we were able to go before our custody judge and plead for the courts to recognize the things he was and wasn’t doing. The judge granted us a WRITT and with the help of local law enforcement, was able to begin our summer with extra visitation days to begin the make up process. Our judge concluded that if his behavior continued, he would look at changing the custody arrangement. And it has continued. And it’s constant. He ignores any attempts to speak with him concerning my daughter. He denies me the ability to communicate with her. He has violated our OSPP in every way possible. Our daughter has begun to resist any physical contact with me when I do get to see her. She is distant and hard to reach. She is withdrawn and depressed and doesn’t understand why. She often feels guilty for this and doesn’t understand why everything is different. We have always flourished, her and I, by being close and affectionate. Upon returning her to her residence with her father she shows signs of distress and anxiety, unable to eat most times. He orders her to shower ‘me’ off of her immediately. He violates her privacy and searches her belongings religiously. He changes and our denies court- ordered parenting time at his discretion. He has informed her school of false information in order to keep me from being allowed to contact her at school or the ability to communicate with them concerning our daughter. He has given me false information by way of mixing up dates and locations of school and/ or sporting events to impede my presence there. It’s constant. I am reaching out in hopes that I can offer our daughter understanding and hope. And hopefully find resources and support for myself by way of navigating this difficult and damaging situation. Thank you so much for being a beacon of hope and light. I pray that my community offers such a group.
HI there,
Welcome to the community. If you are willing to put in the work the 12 steps are transformational. I hope to see you at a meeting. There are usually about 15 people and it’s really safe and structured so everyone can feel comfortable.Please check your email/spam for links.
I’ve come to a couple meetings but I just get so upset that I have to exit. Sadly, the thing that ends up doing me in is hearing folks talking about time that they do get to spend with their kids – I would crawl 100 miles on broken glass for one minute with my daughters. It’s been 16 years and I had no idea that what my ex did to me had a name, let alone a DSM designation and folks fighting the same demon. I desperately need help. Psychiatry, electroshock therapy, countless prescriptions, countless hospitalizations – nothing has helped because you can’t medicate sadness and grief. I am rotting away. There won’t be anything left of me if they ever do come find me. I genuinely don’t resent anyone for their own pain in having limited or stressful contact with their kids – really. But if my reactive brain won’t allow me to get over this I won’t be able to benefit from this group. Grateful for any insight anyone can offer.
Your path sounds incredible hard and challanging. So many in the community have had incredible struggles as well. The meetings are about recovering your emotional and spiritual equilibrium. If you keep coming you will start hearing the message and start experiences some relief. This does not replace professional help and people that have had horrendous challenges are experience relief and spaciousness in their lives through the 12 steps.
here is the recipe…..4-5 meetings a week, get on the phone list, get a sponsor, volunteer at meetings to time, get the book……and start working the steps with your sponsor. The steps are the program
if you do this your life will change…..can you commit to attending 90 meetings in 90 days for a piece of mind? that’s what I did and my life changed….good luck
How can I join this group?
You should received an automated email with all the meeting information. hope to see you in the meetings
My son and daughter in law have told me the only way they can have a relationship with.me is that I need therapy
I keep telling them we need a family therapist for the 3 of us. It’s now been 4 years without contact
They are adults.
You should have just received an automated email with all the meeting information. hope to see you in the meetings