Step 10 (Zoom Meeting) Leaders script (it is important to stick to the script)

Welcome to the Step 10 meeting of Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A) Meeting. Please make sure you are muted if you are not sharing to cut down on background noise.

My name is _________________ and I am the leader for this meeting. (please qualify) My name is……. And I am an alienated……….. I have……kids and please identify what contact you have.

We start the meeting with the serenity prayer (PASTE THIS IN THE CHAT), you can replace god with higher power or anything else that resonates with you. Please unmute if you would like and chant along.

  1.  God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

  1. I am going to read a page or so of announcements and then we are going to jump right into the meeting.
    • READ ……PA-A Preamble

PA-A Preamble

ALIENATION is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone else’s ALIENATING BEHAVIOR is too devastating for most people to bear without help. In PA-A we learn that nothing we say or do can cause or stop someone else’s ALIENATING behavior. We are not responsible for another person’s disease or recovery from it.

By learning to focus on ourselves, our attitudes and well-being improve.

Before Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A), we kept ourselves busy seeking solutions for the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.). When what we were trying to accomplish wasn’t succeeding, we told ourselves to work harder or to try something else. We may even have told ourselves; it was our fault if we couldn’t convince the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.) to get help. If we could only find the right words at the right time, relayed in just the right tone of voice, then maybe we could get the alienator to see things our way. Desperate to fulfill our dreams for a happy family life, we thought that devoting all our energy to the problem was the answer. Little did we know we were actually contributing to the problem by trying to force solutions.

PA-A is a fellowship that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends who are affected by alienation regardless of whether or not the alienator recognizes the existence of a problem or seeks help. Members give and receive comfort and understanding through a mutual exchange of experience, strength, and hope. Sharing of similar challenges binds individuals and groups together in a bond that is protected by a tradition of anonymity. PA-A is not a religious organization or a counseling agency. It is not a treatment center nor is it allied with any other organization offering such services. PA-A, neither expresses opinions on outside issues nor endorses outside enterprises. No dues or fees are required. Membership is voluntary, requiring only that one’s own life has been adversely affected by someone else’s alienating behaviors.

  1. It is now time for the secretary report.  (the secretary introduces themselves and makes meeting announcements) The Secretary will turn the meeting back over to the leader when announcements are completed. .
  2. This is a Step 10 meeting, the step 10 reads (PLEASE PASTE THIS IN THE CHAT)……. “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
  3. Step 10 is the beginning of what some members refer to as the maintenance steps. Others call them the continuous growth steps. Step 10 helps us to keep the principles and tools of the previous steps working in our daily lives. To maintain our serenity and continue to grow, we continue to inventory ourselves and make amends to others. If we have being thorough and honest in our work on steps one through steps nine, we have begun a process to clear away much of the damage of our past. We have turned our defects of character over to our higher power, now we apply continual effort to changing our old behaviors for the better. We have begun to take care of ourselves and our needs, instead of reacting to life and the alienator, we act on our own behalf. With step 10 we try to keep our slate clean in order not to slip back into self-destructive patterns. Slips are in especially likely to occur during times of stress, when it is natural to retreat into old, defensive behaviors. Recovery does not cure us on every human imperfection or eliminate all the pain in our lives. But it gives us the tools to deal with our problems and to continue work to improve ourselves.
  4. At this meeting, we use a timer. You will have 3   minutes to share, plus an additional 1 minute to wrap up. (If there are more than 14 people at the meeting, the time will be reduced to 2 minutes to share plus 1 minute to wrap up.) Who would like to volunteer to be timer? (Ask for a volunteer to time). The timer will let you know when you have 1-minute remaining, they will raise one finger. Please acknowledge that you see them. If you do not acknowledge the timer they will announce verbally when you have 30 seconds remaining.  The timer will announce “TIME” once your allotted time is complete. We do this in order to make sure as many people as possible get to share. Please have folks qualify if comfortable with at least their first name
  5. Leader will share for 3-5 minutes about their experience with step 10 (for leader only) leader please use this formula to break down your share ……………30-45 seconds on what it was like for you as a newcomer. …………….1 minute what recovery looks like in your life now from attending meetings …………… 2 minutes what life is like now/whats happening in your world …………….1 minute what are you doing to recover your life, your sanity & your future
  6. <<<<<<<<please post 5 questions from the 10th step daily inventory below as prompts for sharing>>>>>>>>
  7. We will now have time for sharing. Please raise your hand if you would like to share, if more than 20 people are present please raise your virtual hand or type your name in to the chat. We ask that you relate your sharing from your own experience, strength, and hope, keeping the focus on yourself and Step 1. Please make sure to include your recovery and what you are doing to take care of yourself today in your share.
  8. An important reminder to anyone that chooses to share, PAA is a recovery based group. Please focus part of share on your recovery.The secretary or leader will interrupt you and redirect your share if needed. This is done in order to keep this space safe for all members.

Please refrain from crosstalk.  This is defined as commenting on someone else’s share. We intentionally refrain from sharing or giving advice on another’s share. If you are moved by someone else’s share, feel free to contact them in the chat.  Not everyone will want to chat or connect one on one. If you have any questions about the meeting or PA-A, the zoom link is open 10 minutes before the meeting and 10 minutes after the meeting. Please come early or stay late for some fellowship.

  1. AT 930am the leader says………..It now time to read some of the daily inventory questions of PA-A usually taken at the end of the day & then we will return to open sharing. A link will be posted in the chat by the secretary.

DAILY INVENTORY…most people usually pick 5-10 of these questions to use as a daily inventory

  • What were the major events of the day?
  • What feelings have I experienced?
  • How did I deal with them?
  • Did I get myself involved in any situation today I had no business being in?
  • What can help me to accept myself as I make mistakes again and again?
  • Did fear or faith to rule my actions today?
  • How can I admit my wrongs despite my pride and fear that it will get used against me?
  • Am I at fault for trying for peace at any price? What are my motives
  • How do I know when to make amends and when not to?
  • What positive traits did I exhibit today?
  • What negative traits did I exhibited today?
  • How did I try to fix anyone today?
  • How can I let go and let God?
  • Did I abandon my own needs today? How?
  • Have I been too accommodating, saying yes when I wanted to say no?
  • Was I afraid of an authority figure? Of anyone? Why or why not?
  • What’s small things can I do to practice standing up for myself?
  • How take on anyone else’s responsibility today?
  • What am I afraid will happen if I don’t take on extra responsibilities?
  • If I was wrong, did I promptly admit it?
  • What can I do to take good care of myself today?
  • Is there something that I need to take a longer look at? What is it?
  • Have I done something difficult or particularly well today? How can I appreciate myself for it?

We will now return to open sharing, who would like to share?

  1. If everyone has shared before the meeting is complete please allow an additional 2 minutes per person if they have an additional share. Add a prompt to the chat with a step question or a different topic.
  2. At 1010am Leader says, “That is all the time we have for sharing”.

Please Read Suggested PA-A closing (attached)

Suggested PA-A Closing

  • Members are encouraged to connect with each other for support in between meetings. If you want a copy of our phone list or to be included please ask the secretary in the chat, respond to the meeting email or sign on to and fill in the suggestion form with your information. As a reminder the zoom link will stay open an extra ten minutes at the end of the meeting for questions and fellowship.
  • A suggestion to the new comer, please try 5 or 6 meetings before you make a decision if this program is a fit for you. It takes time to acclimate to the group, the context of the shares, the emotions that might come up and to build consistency, safety and a sense of belonging.

In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed here were
strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and
leave the rest.
The things you heard were spoken in confidence and should be
treated as confidential. Keep them within the walls of this room and
the confines of your mind.
A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long:
Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had
them, too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will
come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered
and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.
Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there
be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the
understanding, love, and peace of the program grow in you one day at
a time.

  1. We will now have a moment of silence for anyone out there struggling with the effects of parental alienation in their lives. (after 5-10 seconds knock on the table to close this moment of silence)
  2. To End The meeting………….(please read this slowly so people can chant along)

Please join me in the Serenity Prayer.

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

****the meeting is over, please unmute and join in some fellowship and or questions****


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