____________________________________________________________
(Leader claims leader by inputting code, then makes the secretary the co-lead; then one of them enables the waiting room)
LEADER:
WELCOME EVERYONE to the Monday Night Step 2 meeting of Parental Alienation Anonymous. My name is (share name), and I am your leader for this meeting. [QUALIFY].
Please make sure you are muted, unless you are sharing, in order to cut down on background noise. Also, if it is possible and you are comfortable, please consider keeping your camera turned on to foster a deeper group connection.
We start the meeting with the Serenity Prayer. We will post it in the chat now and invite everyone to unmute if you would like to chant along. I will invoke the prayer by saying, “God,” and also encourage our members to replace the word God with something that feels more suitable to you.
[SECRETARY POST SERENITY PRAYER]
God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
———————————-PREAMBLE——————————–
LEADER:
Thank you. I would now like to ask our SECRETARY to read the PAA Preamble.
[SECRETARY READS – no posting]
ALIENATION is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone else’s ALIENATING BEHAVIOR is too devastating for most people to bear without help. In PA-A we learn that nothing we say or do can cause or stop someone else’s ALIENATING behavior. We are not responsible for another person’s disease or recovery from it.
By learning to focus on ourselves, our attitudes and well-being improve.
Before Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A), we kept ourselves busy seeking solutions for the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.). When what we were trying to accomplish wasn’t succeeding, we told ourselves to work harder or to try something else. We may even have told ourselves; it was our fault if we couldn’t convince the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.) to get help. If we could only find the right words at the right time, relayed in just the right tone of voice, then maybe we could get the alienator to see things our way. Desperate to fulfill our dreams for a happy family life, we thought that devoting all our energy to the problem was the answer. Little did we know we were actually contributing to the problem by trying to force solutions.
PA-A is a fellowship that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends who are affected by alienation regardless of whether or not the alienator recognizes the existence of a problem or seeks help. Members give and receive comfort and understanding through a mutual exchange of experience, strength, and hope. Sharing of similar challenges binds individuals and groups together in a bond that is protected by a tradition of anonymity. PA-A is not a religious organization or a counseling agency. It is not a treatment center nor is it allied with any other organization offering such services. PA-A, neither expresses opinions on outside issues nor endorses outside enterprises. No dues or fees are required. Membership is voluntary, requiring only that one’s own life has been adversely affected by someone else’s alienating behaviors.
——————NEWCOMERS ANNOUNCEMENT——————
LEADER:
We would like to invite newcomers to introduce themselves. This is not to embarrass you, but to simply get to know you better. If you are new to this meeting, please introduce yourself, and qualify. We have put the qualifying guidelines in the chat.
[SECRETARY POSTS EXAMPLE IN CHAT]
Qualifying Example. My name is……. And I am an alienated……….. I have……kids and please identify what contact you have. PLEASE KEEP YOUR INTRODUCTION TO THESE 3 ITEMS YOU WILL HAVE TIME LATER IN THE MEETING FOR A MORE COMPLETE SHARE.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
LEADER:
We would like to welcome any newcomers to this meeting. It takes courage to show up to your first meeting, we commend you for taking this step to take care of yourself. We suggest coming to at least 5 meetings before making a decision if this group is a good fit for you.
We are putting a link in the chat for all the references that we mention in the meeting.
[SECRETARY POSTS LINK to all PAA LINKS in the CHAT]
Link for PA-A Resources:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uZ4WjLbd0K3A05tAJSTgwrllbhNN7KTgqGx1gJORSoA/edit
Leader talks about these items:
Link to the NEWCOMERS BOOKLET – helpful information
Contact information for our newcomer ambassadors – Jen K and Stephen C – feel free to reach out to them to ask questions
There is a link to join the NEWCOMERS WHATSAPP GROUP
In PA-A, recovery means recovering a relationship with ourselves. We recover ourselves in order to be able to show up for all the relationships in our lives in a more grounded, integrated fashion. We regain the power to see our options and to make careful choices in our lives. Recovery means rebuilding trust with ourselves, a gradual process that requires much motivation and support. As we learn and practice careful self-honesty, self-care and self-expression, we gain authenticity, perspective, peace and empowerment. We can then carry this out into every relationship in our lives. Our kids/grandkids get the best version of us and with that a chance to recover from this insidious disease.
——————WHAT is PAA [READ ONLY]———————–
SECRETARY:
What is PAA? Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A) is a volunteer run group of parents that come together regularly to help each other deal with the devastating effects of another parent’s alienating behavior. Sometimes parents are also dealing with alienating behavior from their children. Since this is a family disease, grandparents, stepparents, and other family members who are alienated or estranged from their families might find comfort here as well. We are a fellowship of individuals who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so we may solve our common problems and help each other navigate living with parental alienation. We learn how to regain relationships with ourselves in order to build a whole and healthy life in the midst of the overwhelming challenges that come with living with this family affliction . In PA-A, we help one another identify and claim milestones of recovery.
LEADER:
In PAA, we use Al-Anon literature that we adapt for PAA. Primarily we use a book entitled, “Paths to Recovery.” Another book titled, “Courage to Change” is also helpful to many of our members, which is a daily reflection that we can read, write, and meditate on each day. Lastly, another book called, “Healing Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses” is turning out to be useful to many of our members.
You can check out the link to the literature list in the document that was posted in the chat.
——————7th Tradition Announcement———————–
LEADER:
Tradition announcement and post at meetings:
It is now time for the 7th Tradition, which states that every PAA group is self-supporting, declining outside contributions. To preserve the autonomy of the meeting, a $2-$5 donation is suggested. Extra funds will be donated to Al-Anon family groups until such a time that PAA has its own group and world services. All meetings will remain free and accessible to everyone, donations are only suggested. Our Venmo address (for US contributions) will be posted in the chat, for non-US members, Paypal can be used.
[SECRETARY POSTS PAYMENT LINKS IN CHAT]
Venmo
https://venmo.com/u/Jennifer-Staton-11
PayPal:
https://www.paypal.com/donate?campaign_id=5WWVYLCYTHFA2
Q&A on 7th Tradition (if asked in the chart or at fellowship): The donations from the meetings are being used to fund the 15 PAA meetings and costs associated with running those meetings which include website promotion, website maintenance, Zoom costs, calendar app, website updates and modifications, web hosting etc.
——————SPONSORSHIP ANNOUNCEMENT——————
LEADER:
Sponsorship is an integral part of recovery from this disease. A sponsor is a person who you feel you might connect with, and who can help guide you through the 12 steps. You can find out more by clicking on the link: “What is a sponsor?” which is in the document posted in the chat.
We will now have a sponsorship announcement. (call on someone to share for 20-30 seconds on what sponsorship means to them.) If you want to find out more about sponsorship & sponsorship pods, click on the gmail address in the document we posted in the chart.
——————MEETINGS ANNOUNCEMENT——————
LEADER:
New meetings will be posted on the website and links emailed on Wednesdays with any other PA-A related announcements. There is also a link to the meeting schedule in the document we posted in the chat.
——————PHONE LIST ANNOUNCEMENT——————
LEADER:
We have a phone list at this meeting. We find it is very useful to connect with folks for support, or just to say hi, in between meetings. The gmail address to be added to the phone list is in the main document we posted in the chat.
—————–COMMUNITY RESOURCE PAGE ANNOUNCEMENT——————
LEADER:
We now have a community resource page. Please share any additional resources you may have so we can continue to build a useful, current, and robust library. In the document we shared in the chat, you will find the link to the community resources page. There is also a gmail address that you can share any resources you would like to add to the resource page. These don’t have to be Al-anon literature.
Are there any PAA related announcements? Please keep your announcements brief.
——————————–READING (NEW, based on consensus)————————–
Step 2 reading
We are now going to post Step 2 in the chat
[SECRETARY POSTS Step 2 in CHAT]
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
———————————–SHARING TIME——————————————–
LEADER:
As we prepare to open the meeting for sharing, we ask our members to remember that each group’s primary purpose is to carry the message of recovery to the alienated parent who still suffers. Although we welcome all of our members to share the pain of their circumstances, we are also asked to focus at least a portion of our share on what we are doing to cultivate any aspect of recovery that might help us not make things worse, and to navigate our way back to health and sanity. Lastly, this group discourages crosstalk, which can be loosely defined as over-involving yourself in someone else’s share. Although recovery springs from resonance, and we welcome our members to relate to common issues, we are all asked to remain contained within our own experience, strength, and hope.
[ASK FOR VOLUNTEER TO KEEP TIME]
At this meeting, we use a timer. You will have 3 minutes to share, plus an additional 1 minute to wrap up. (If there are more than 14 people at the meeting, the time will be reduced to 2 minutes to share plus 1 minute to wrap up.) Ask for a volunteer to time (may I have someone volunteer to be our timer). The timer will let you know when you have 1-minute remaining, they will raise one finger. Please acknowledge that you see them. If you do not acknowledge the timer they will announce verbally when you have 30 seconds remaining. The timer will announce “TIME” once your allotted time is complete. We do this in order to make sure as many people as possible get to share.
[LEADER PROVIDES THE OPENING SHARE]
I’m going to share for 3-5 minutes.
After the share leader reminds members to qualify at the start of their share and include what you are doing for recovery.
At about [6:15 PT / 7:15 MT / 8:15 CT / 9:15 ET] pm
We will now pause from the sharing for a few moments in order to read the 12 Steps.
—-12 Steps [SECRETARY READS – NO POSTING ]
1. We admitted we were powerless over PEOPLE (Our alienator, our children, our grandchildren, our parents and any other relationships)—and that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood them.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked them to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood them, praying only for knowledge of their will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other folks suffering from this disease, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
<2nd shares, if running out of 1st shares>
——————CLOSING STATEMENT——————
LEADER:
Members are encouraged to connect with each other for support in between meetings. If you want a copy of our phone list or to be included please ask the secretary in the chat, respond to the meeting email or sign on to PA-A.org and fill in the suggestion form with your information. As a reminder the zoom link will stay open an extra ten minutes or so at the end of the meeting for questions and fellowship.
A suggestion to the newcomer, please try 5 or 6 meetings before you make a decision if this program is a fit for you. It takes time to acclimate to the group, the context of the shares, the emotions that might come up and to build consistency, safety and a sense of belonging.
In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. The things you heard were spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Keep them within the walls of this room and
the confines of your mind. A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long:
Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them, too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened. Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the
understanding, love, and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time.
We will now have a moment of silence for anyone out there struggling with the effects of parental alienation in their lives. (after 5-10 seconds knock on the table to close this moment of silence)
Please join me in the Serenity Prayer. We will use the “US/WE” version for closing. . (please omit or change God to higher power if appropriate for the leader) Please unmute and join in and chant if you would like.
——————SERENITY – “US/WE” FORMAT——————
[SECRETARY POSTS SERENITY PRAYER]
God Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change
The courage to change the things we can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
*****the meeting is now done, please unmute if you would like to join in a couple moments of fellowship and or questions*****
Step 2 questions:
- What is my concept of a higher power at this time?
- What would it take to allow my concept of my higher power to change?
- Have past experiences affected my concept of a higher power? If so, how?
- What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a power greater than myself?
- Do I sense spiritual guidance in my life? How?
- How do I describe the higher power I found in Al-Anon?
- What does “let’s go and Let God” mean to me?
- What does faith mean to me?
- With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
- What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a power greater than myself?
- What does “came to believe” mean to me?
- What does sanity mean to me?
- How has that alienation situation affected my sanity? My life?
- Have I allowed the alienation situation to become my higher power? How?
- How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alienating behavior?
- How have I turned to a power greater than myself in times of great need? Did I call another Al-Anon member? My sponsor? Did I read Al-Anon literature? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not?
- In working step 2, can I describe a step 2 experience to my sponsor or my group?
- When have I done the same things over and over, yet expected different results?
