Step Study meeting leaders format

Welcome to the Step Study meeting of Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A). Please
make sure you are muted if you are not sharing to cut down on background noise.
My name is _____ and I am the leader for this meeting. (please qualify)

My name is……. And I am an alienated……….. I have……kids and please identify what
contact you have.

We start the meeting with the serenity prayer (PASTE THIS IN THE CHAT), you
can replace god with higher power or anything else that resonates with
you. Please unmute if you would like and chant along.

  1.  God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
    The courage to change the things I can
    And the wisdom to know the difference.
  2. I am going to read a page or so of announcements and then we are going
    to jump right into the meeting.
  3. READ ……PA-A Preamble

PA-A Preamble
ALIENATION is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone else’s
ALIENATING BEHAVIOR is too devastating for most people to bear without help. In PA-
A we learn that nothing we say or do can cause or stop someone else’s ALIENATING
behavior. We are not responsible for another person’s disease or recovery from it.
By learning to focus on ourselves, our attitudes and well-being improve.
Before Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A), we kept ourselves busy seeking
solutions for the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.). When what we were trying to
accomplish wasn’t succeeding, we told ourselves to work harder or to try something
else. We may even have told ourselves; it was our fault if we couldn’t convince the
alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.) to get help. If we could only find the right words at
the right time, relayed in just the right tone of voice, then maybe we could get the
alienator to see things our way. Desperate to fulfill our dreams for a happy family life,
we thought that devoting all our energy to the problem was the answer. Little did we
know we were actually contributing to the problem by trying to force solutions.
PA-A is a fellowship that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends who
are affected by alienation regardless of whether or not the alienator recognizes the
existence of a problem or seeks help. Members give and receive comfort and
understanding through a mutual exchange of experience, strength, and hope. Sharing
of similar challenges binds individuals and groups together in a bond that is protected
by a tradition of anonymity. PA-A is not a religious organization or a counseling agency.

It is not a treatment center nor is it allied with any other organization offering such
services. PA-A, neither expresses opinions on outside issues nor endorses outside
enterprises. No dues or fees are required. Membership is voluntary, requiring only that
one’s own life has been adversely affected by someone else’s alienating behaviors.

  1. It is now time for the secretary report.  (the secretary introduces
    themselves and makes meeting announcements) The Secretary will turn
    the meeting back over to the leader when announcements are completed. 

  • This is a Step Study meeting, where we share on a particular step each week.
    This week we are reading on Step….. (PLEASE PASTE STEP & READING IN
    THE CHAT)…….

At this meeting, we use a timer. You will have 3   minutes to share, plus an additional 1 minute to wrap up. (If there are more than 14 people at the meeting, the time will be reduced to 2 minutes to share plus 1 minute to wrap up.) Ask for a volunteer to time. The timer will let you know when you have 1-minute remaining, they will raise one finger. Please acknowledge that you see them. If you do not acknowledge the timer they will announce verbally when you have 30 seconds remaining.  The timer will announce “TIME” once your allotted time is complete. We do this in order to make sure as many people as possible get to share. Please have folks qualify if comfortable with at least their first name

  • Leader will share for 3-5 minutes about their experience with the step.

  • We will now have time for sharing. Please raise your hand if you would like to
    share, if more than 20 people are present please raise your virtual hand or type
    your name in to the chat. We ask that you relate your sharing from your own
    experience, strength, and hope, keeping the focus on yourself and the steps.
    Please make sure to include your recovery and what you are doing to take care
    of yourself today in your share.
  • Please refrain from crosstalk.  This is defined as commenting on someone else’s share. We intentionally refrain from sharing or giving advice on another’s share. If you are moved by someone else’s share, feel free to contact them in the chat.  Not everyone will want to chat or connect one on one. If you have any questions about the meeting or PA-A, the zoom link is open 10 minutes before the meeting and 10 minutes after the meeting. Please come early or stay late for some fellowship.

An important reminder to anyone that chooses to share, PAA is a recovery based group. Please focus part of share on your recovery.The secretary or leader will interrupt you and redirect your share if needed. This is done in order to keep this space safe for all members.

  1. AT 1030 PM (Singapore time) the leader says………..It now time to read the 12 steps of PA-A &
    then return to open sharing.

  1. PA-A is a 12 step program, We go through the steps 1 step at a time
    in order, to help support our emotional and spiritual recovery.

Read the 12 steps (steps attached) (READ EACH STEP NUMBER


**Option for leader (Please replace God with higher power if it is an appropriate choice
for you)

  1. We admitted we were powerless over PEOPLE (Our alienator, our children, our
    grandchildren, our parents and any other relationships)—and that our lives had become
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we
    understood them.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked them to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to
    them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would
    injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as
    we understood them, praying only for knowledge of their will for us and the power to
    carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this
    message to other folks suffering from this disease, and to practice these principles in all
    our affairs.

  1. We will now return to open sharing, who would like to share?
  • If everyone has shared before the meeting is complete please allow an additional
    2 minutes per person if they have an additional share. Add a prompt to the chat
    with a step question or a different topic.
  • At 1110 PM Leader says, “That is all the time we have for sharing”.

Please Read Suggested PA-A closing (attached)

Suggested PA-A Closing

Members are encouraged to connect with each other for support in between
meetings. If you want a copy of our phone list or to be included please ask the
secretary in the chat, respond to the meeting email or sign on to and fill
in the suggestion form with your information. As a reminder the zoom link will
stay open an extra ten minutes at the end of the meeting for questions and

A suggestion to the newcomer, please try 5 or 6 meetings before you make
a decision if this program is a fit for you. It takes time to acclimate to the
group, the context of the shares, the emotions that might come up and to
build consistency, safety and a sense of belonging.

In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed here were
strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and
leave the rest.The things you heard were spoken in confidence and should be
treated as confidential. Keep them within the walls of this room and
the confines of your mind.

A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long:
Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had
them, too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will
come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered
and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.
Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there
be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the
understanding, love, and peace of the program grow in you one day at
a time.

  1. We will now have a moment of silence for anyone out there struggling with
    the effects of parental alienation in their lives. (after 5-10 seconds knock on
    the table to close this moment of silence)
  1. To End The meeting………….(please read this slowly so people can chant

    Please join me in the Serenity Prayer.
    God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
    The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.
the meeting is over, please unmute and join in some fellowship and or questions


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