Saturday Meeting; 12 Promises & Combined leader and secretary script

12 PROMISES: Combined Leader and Secretary Script

Welcome to the 12 PROMISES meeting of Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A). 

Please make sure you are muted if you are not sharing to cut down on background noise.

My name is _______ and I am the leader for this meeting. 

I am an alienated [parent, etc.] to __________. 

I have ___________contact. 

We start the meeting with the serenity prayer. 

I will paste it in the chat.

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

You can replace God with higher power or anything else that resonates with you. Please unmute if you would like to chant along.

__________________________________________________________________

I will now read the PA-A Preamble

ALIENATION is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone else’s ALIENATING BEHAVIOR is too devastating for most people to bear without help. In PA-A we learn that nothing we say or do can cause or stop someone else’s ALIENATING behavior. We are not responsible for another person’s disease or recovery from it.

By learning to focus on ourselves, our attitudes and well-being improve.

Before Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A), we kept ourselves busy seeking solutions for the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.)  When what we were trying to accomplish wasn’t succeeding, we told ourselves to work harder, or to try something else. We may even have told ourselves it was our fault if we couldn’t convince the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.) to get help. If we could only find the right words, at the right time, relayed in just the right tone of voice, then maybe we could get the alienator to see things our way. Desperate to fulfill our dreams for a happy family life, we thought that devoting all our energy to the problem was the answer. Little did we know, we were actually contributing to the problem by trying to force solutions.

PA-A is a fellowship that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends who are affected by alienation regardless of whether or not the alienator recognizes the existence of a problem or seeks help. Members give and receive comfort and understanding through a mutual exchange of experiences, strength, and hope. Sharing of similar challenges binds individuals and groups together in a bond that is protected by a tradition of anonymity. 

PA-A is not a religious organization or a counseling agency. It is not a treatment center, nor is it allied with any other organization offering such services. PA-A neither expresses opinions on outside issues nor endorses outside enterprises. No dues or fees are required. Membership is voluntary, requiring only that one’s own life has been adversely affected by someone else’s alienating behaviors.

It is now time for the Secretary’s Report.  _____________________________________________________________________

Secretary’s Report

Hi my name is___________and I am your PA-A secretary.

I am an alienated_____________.

I have__________kids who are ages __________.

I have ____________contact with_______.

I would like to thank___________, our leader this week. 

A special request to everyone attending meetings. If you could, please keep your monitors on when possible to help create a culture of safety and consistency for community members.

PA-A is volunteer-run organization for parents, grandparents, children, step-parents, aunts, uncles, and all relatives and family affected by this disease.  To anyone new to the PAA community, PAA-sanctioned meetings are listed on the weekly calendar.  Any other meetings you might hear about are not sanctioned or linked to PAA in any way. 

A special welcome to the newcomers. It takes dedication and bravery to show up to a new meeting. We welcome you and invite you to stay awhile. Listening to others’ experiences can be somewhat scary at first. It takes a bit to hear the message of recovery & hope. It usually takes 5-6 meetings to adjust to new meetings and formats. It has been a slow process for all of us. 

Are there any newcomers to the meeting? We ask this not to embarrass you but to get to know you.

We ask everyone new to this meeting to briefly introduce themselves. We refer to this as “qualifying.” We ask that you turn your monitor on during your introduction. Please raise your real or virtual hand and when called on 

Say your 1st name, 

How many kids you have, and their ages. 

How much contact you have. 

I will post this example of briefly qualifying in the chat. 

Later in the meeting you will have time for more in depth sharing.

MONTHLY BIRTHDAY ANNOUNCEMENT: We acknowledge the birthdays of our children, grandchildren and other alienated people in our life at this meeting. Does anyone have a birthday celebration this month (of January etc.,)? If so, please raise your real or virtual hand, and once called upon please say your child’s name, birthdate & age.

Happy birthday to everyone celebrating. It can be a hard, challenging and triggering time. We as a community are here to support you. Extra meetings, outreach calls and reading of literature are some suggestions for these times.

The following announcements have associated links that I will put in the chat after I am finished reading them.

There is a PDF of the newcomers booklet with useful information. 

LITERATURE ANNOUNCEMENT: We use Paths to Recovery as our primary literature. It is Al-Anon literature that we adapt for PA-A. Courage to Change and How Al-Anon Works are also used. You can find more info regarding these books at Al-Anon.org or the PA-A web site.

We now have a community resource page.  Please share any additional resources you have so we can continue to build a useful, current and robust library. The email address will be posted in the chat 

We have a phone list for our group. You might find it helpful to connect with folks for support or just to say hi in between meetings. Please send me your email address & telephone in the chat if you want to be added to the contact list. I will now post the link to the resources mentioned above in the chat.

Secretary posts link to ALL PA-A Resources: 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uZ4WjLbd0K3A05tAJSTgwrllbhNN7KTgqGx1gJORSoA/edit

SPONSORSHIP ANNOUNCEMENT: Call on someone to share for 20-30 seconds on what sponsorship means to them. 

SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Pick a member who has a service position and ask them to share about their experience for 20-30 seconds. 

Please let me know in the chat if you would like to volunteer as a leader, secretary, or timer. Volunteering is a great way to integrate yourself into the group. 

Are there Any other PA-A announcements? Please keep your announcement to 30 seconds or less.

7^th Tradition announcement (post at meetings):

It is now time for the 7th Tradition, which states that every PAA group is self-supporting, declining outside contributions. To preserve the autonomy of the meeting, a $2-$5 donation is suggested. Extra funds will be donated to Al-Anon family groups until such a time that PAA has its own group and world services. All meetings will remain free and accessible to everyone, donations are only suggested.  

PAA Tradition 7 Donations

Parental Alienation Anonymous group code: paa – Contribute 🙂

Group Code: paa

(Please identify the Group Code (paa) when prompted to ensure funds get to our page.)

______________________________________________________________________

Back to the Leader:

This is a 12 Promises meeting. The 12 Promises are from pages 83-84 of the AA Big Book and cover what will happen when we diligently work through the 12 steps of the ALAnon-based PA-A program.

I will post them in the chat.

 Is there a volunteer who would be willing to read them?

The 12 PROMISES 

(CAPITALIZATION denotes positive conditions that will come to exist with recovery, italicization denotes negative conditions that will depart through recovery.) 

1. We are going to know a new FREEDOM and a new HAPPINESS.
2. We will not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it. 
3. We will comprehend the word SERENITY.
4. We will know PEACE.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can BENEFIT OTHERS. 

6. The feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain INTEREST IN OUR FELLOWS.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole ATTITUDE and OUTLOOK upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.

11. We will INTUITIVELY KNOW how to handle situations which used to baffle us. 
12. We will suddenly realize that OUR HIGHER POWER is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. 

At this meeting, we use a timer for sharing. You will have 3  minutes to share, plus an additional 1 minute to wrap up

(If there are more than 14 people at the meeting, the time will be reduced to 2 minutes to share plus 1 minute to wrap up.) 

Ask for a volunteer to time with either a smart phone or the Zoom app. 

The timer will let you know when you have 1-minute remaining by raising one finger. Please acknowledge that you see them. 

The timer will announce “TIME” or the app will make a sound once your allotted time is complete. We do this in order to make sure as many people as possible get to share. 

The leader will share for 3-5 minutes about their experience, strength and hope focusing on the 12 Promises.

Leader, please use this formula to break down your share:

1. What it was like for you as a newcomer (30-45 seconds) 
2. What recovery looks like in your life now from attending meetings (1 min)
3. What life is like now/what’s happening in your world (2 min)
4. What are you doing to recover your life, your sanity & your future (1 min)
   

We will now have time for sharing. Please raise your real or virtual hand if you would like to share. We ask that you relate your sharing from your own experience, strength, and hope, keeping the focus on yourself and the 12 Promises. 

I will post some questions for thought in the chat.

1. Which of the 12 promises were present in your life before you knew your alienator(s)?
2. Which of the 12 promises seems most out of reach or most in reach?
3. Which of the 12 promises seem most essential to your sense of wellbeing?
4. Is there a behavior or attitude related to one of the 12 promises that draws you to a person?
5. If the 12 promises were contagious, what person, real or fictional, would you want to spend time with? 

An important reminder to anyone that chooses to share, PAA is a recovery based group. Please focus part of share on your recovery.The secretary or leader will interrupt you and redirect your share if needed. This is done in order to keep this space safe for all members.

Please refrain from crosstalk.  This is defined as commenting on someone else’s share. We intentionally refrain from sharing or giving advice on another’s share. If you are moved by someone else’s share, feel free to contact them in the chat.  Not everyone will want to chat or connect one on one. If you have any questions about the meeting or PA-A, the zoom link is open 10 minutes before the meeting and 10 minutes after the meeting. Please come early or stay late for some fellowship.

_____________________________________________________________________

At the 70 minute mark, the leader says, “We have now come to the end of sharing time.”

PA-A Closing:

• Members are encouraged to connect with each other for support in between meetings. If you want a copy of our phone list, or to be included, please ask the secretary in the chat, respond to the meeting email, or sign on to PA-A.org and fill in the suggestion form with your information. 
• As a reminder the zoom link will stay open an extra ten minutes at the end of the meeting for questions and fellowship.
• A suggestion to the newcomers, please try 5 or 6 meetings before you make a decision of whether this program is a fit for you. It takes time to acclimate to the group, the context of the shares, the emotions that might come up, and to build consistency, safety and a sense of belonging.
• In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed here were
  strictly those of the person who gave them.
  
• Take what you liked, and leave the rest.
  
• The things you heard were spoken in confidence, and should be
  treated as confidential. Keep them within the walls of this room, and
  the confines of your mind.
  
• A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long;
  Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had
  them too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will
  come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered
  and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.
  
• Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there
  be no gossip, or criticism of one another. Instead, let the understanding, love, and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time.

• We will now have a moment of silence for anyone out there struggling with the effects of parental alienation in their lives. (after 5-10 seconds knock on the table to close this moment of silence)

To end the meeting, please join me in the Serenity Prayer, which I will repost in the chat.

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
The meeting is over, please unmute and join in some fellowship and/or to ask questions.