WORKING Step 9 Questions
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Here are some questions to ask ourselves or discuss in our groups to assist us in proceeding with making our amends.
- Which people on my list do I need to make direct amends to first? What’s stopping me?
- How can I plan what I am going to say in my direct amends to be clear and concise and to avoid blaming any other person?
- What doubts do I have about my amends injuring someone? Can I discuss these doubts with my sponsor? To be guided? Write about them?
- What are my motives for making amends? Am I willing to accept the outcome, whatever it may be?
- What is the difference between an apology and making amends? Which amends will be best done by changes in my behavior?
- How can I be sure I am not just ducking an embarrassing situation?
- What amends am I putting off? Why?
- Do I have any amends to make that could result in serious consequences for my family, like loss of employment or a prison term? How can I use my sponsor or trusted friend to help me sort this out?
- Who on my amends’ lists will never be available for direct amends? Can I make amends in another way? Can I do something for another person?
- What harm have I done to my children or immediate family? Can I’m make some amends by respecting them now as adults?
- Am I willing to pray to become willing to make amends in the future?
- How can I forgive myself for all the difficulties I’ve caused myself? What can I do this week to begin my amends to myself?
- Could I write an amends letter to myself?
- When I have finished this action step, what can I do to celebrate? Have I remembered to appreciate and reward my good deeds? Good deeds of others?
2 Responses
I have no amends to make to my ex-wife or my children. At the same time, I am willing to consider any shortcomings that they feel were part of their process of being aggrieved. I am willing to examine any at all of what they perceived to be Behaviors that injured them. Wherever possible, I am willing to amend my behavior and my perspective in ways that would contribute to healing for all.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I too thought I didn’t have any amends to make and am so grateful I took the 12 steps one at a time in orderand found all kinds of behaviors i needed to look at in all relationships in my ,ife.
so so grateful I was open and teachable.