Welcome to the … year anniversary meeting of Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A). Please make sure you are muted if you are not sharing to cut down on background noise.
My name is _________________ and I am the leader for this meeting. (please qualify) My name is……. And I am an alienated……….. I have……kids and please identify what contact you have.
We start the meeting with the serenity prayer (PASTE THIS IN THE CHAT), you can replace god with higher power or anything else that resonates with you. Please unmute if you would like and chant along.
- God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- I am going to ASK………(ask someone to read) to read the PA-A preamble
- READ ……PA-A Preamble
PA-A Preamble
ALIENATION is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone else’s ALIENATING BEHAVIOR is too devastating for most people to bear without help. In PA-A we learn that nothing we say or do can cause or stop someone else’s ALIENATING behavior. We are not responsible for another person’s disease or recovery from it.
By learning to focus on ourselves, our attitudes and well-being improve.
Before Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A), we kept ourselves busy seeking solutions for the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.). When what we were trying to accomplish wasn’t succeeding, we told ourselves to work harder or to try something else. We may even have told ourselves; it was our fault if we couldn’t convince the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.) to get help. If we could only find the right words at the right time, relayed in just the right tone of voice, then maybe we could get the alienator to see things our way. Desperate to fulfill our dreams for a happy family life, we thought that devoting all our energy to the problem was the answer. Little did we know we were actually contributing to the problem by trying to force solutions.
PA-A is a fellowship that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends who are affected by alienation regardless of whether or not the alienator recognizes the existence of a problem or seeks help. Members give and receive comfort and understanding through a mutual exchange of experience, strength, and hope. Sharing of similar challenges binds individuals and groups together in a bond that is protected by a tradition of anonymity. PA-A is not a religious organization or a counseling agency. It is not a treatment center nor is it allied with any other organization offering such services. PA-A, neither expresses opinions on outside issues nor endorses outside enterprises. No dues or fees are required. Membership is voluntary, requiring only that one’s own life has been adversely affected by someone else’s alienating behaviors.
- It is now time for the secretaries report. (the secretary introduces themselves and makes meeting announcements) The Secretary will turn the meeting back over to the leader when announcements are completed.
- It’s now time to sing”happy birthday dear PAA”
- This is a special anniversary meeting format. It is incredible important to take a moment to acknowledge the past year’s experiences, at this meeting we shall focus on three questions as part of our celebration. You are also welcome to share on anything that is alive in you as well. (PLEASE PASTE These questions IN THE CHAT)
1-What was it like for you at your first meeting of PA-A? How were you feeling? Did you have a take away? Good or bad?
2-Have you had a a-ha moment in your PA-A journey? That moment where you see a little hope or start to understand a little bit of your behavior, family history, coping mechanisms or maybe you just remember laughing for the first time in a long time.
3-What has changed in your life since you joined the 12 step fellowship of PA-A?
- At this meeting, we use a timer. You will have 3 minutes to share, plus an additional 1 minute to wrap up. (If there are more than 14 people at the meeting, the time will be reduced to 2 minutes to share plus 1 minute to wrap up.) Ask for a volunteer to time. The timer will let you know when you have 1-minute remaining, they will raise one finger. Please acknowledge that you see them. If you do not acknowledge the timer they will announce verbally when you have 30 seconds remaining. The timer will announce “TIME” once your allotted time is complete. We do this in order to make sure as many people as possible get to share. Please have folks qualify if comfortable with at least their first name
- The leader will share for 3-5 minutes on the anniversary questions and their experience strength an hope.
- (for leader only) leader please use this formula to break down your share ……………30-45 seconds on what it was like for you as a newcomer. …………….balance of time on the questions.
- We will now have time for sharing. Please raise your hand if you would like to share, if more than 20 people are present please raise your virtual hand or type your name in to the chat. We ask that you relate your sharing from your own experience, strength, and hope, keeping the focus on yourself and Step 1. Please make sure to include your recovery and what you are doing to take care of yourself today in your share.
- As part of our celebration add your recovery date or month when we identify if you feel so inclined. An example would be. My name is ….. i am an alienated ……. i have 2 kids…..i have no contact with the oldest for x years and still have contact with the youngest. My recovery date is March 15 2021.
Please refrain from crosstalk. Cross talk is defined as sharing on another person’s share or directly responding to another person. If you are moved by another’s share, please contact them directly in the chat, please remember not everyone will want to chat or connect 1 on 1. If you have any questions about the meeting or PA-A, the zoom link is open 10 minutes before the meeting and 10 minutes after the meeting. Please come early or stay late for some fellowship.
An important reminder to anyone that chooses to share, PAA is a recovery based group. Please focus part of share on your recovery.The secretary or leader will interrupt you and redirect your share if needed. This is done in order to keep this space safe for all members.
- AT 710pm the leader says………..It now time to read the Promises of PA-A.
- Tonight we read the promises, the promises of recovery, the promises of hope and the promises of the future.
- Ask someone to read the promises
- THE PROMISES OF PARENTAL ALIENATION ANONYMOUS (PA-A.org)
The promises are from pages 83-84 of the Big Book of AA and cover the promises of what happens as we diligently work the 12 steps of PA-A.
“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through …”
Promise 1
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
Promise 2
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
Promise 3
We will comprehend the word serenity.
Promise 4
We will know peace.
Promise 5
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
Promise 6
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
Promise 7
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Promise 8
Self-seeking will slip away.
Promise 9
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Promise 10
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
Promise 11
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
Promise 12
We will suddenly realize that OUR HIGHER POWER is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
WE WILL NOW RETYRN TO OPEN SHARING
- If everyone has shared before the meeting is complete please allow an additional 1 minutes per person if they have an additional share. Add a prompt to the chat with a step question or a different topic.
- At 1010am Leader says, “That is all the time we have for sharing”.
Please ask someone to read the Suggested PA-A closing (attached)
Suggested PA-A Closing
- Members are encouraged to connect with each other for support in between meetings. If you want a copy of our phone list or to be included please ask the secretary in the chat, respond to the meeting email or sign on to PA-A.org and fill in the suggestion form with your information. As a reminder the zoom link will stay open an extra ten minutes at the end of the meeting for questions and fellowship.
- A suggestion to the new comer, please try 5 or 6 meetings before you make a decision if this program is a fit for you. It takes time to acclimate to the group, the context of the shares, the emotions that might come up and to build consistency, safety and a sense of belonging.
In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed here were
strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and
leave the rest.
The things you heard were spoken in confidence and should be
treated as confidential. Keep them within the walls of this room and
the confines of your mind.
A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long:
Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had
them, too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will
come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered
and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.
Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there
be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the
understanding, love, and peace of the program grow in you one day at
a time.
- We will now have a moment of silence for anyone out there struggling with the effects of parental alienation in their lives. (after 5-10 seconds knock on the table to close this moment of silence)
- To End The meeting………….(please read this slowly so people can chant along)
Please join me in the Serenity Prayer.
God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
****the meeting is over, please unmute and join in some fellowship and or questions****
