leaders script step 4
Leaders please post these items when indicated in the script
1-the serenity prayer
2-the 4th step
3-five questions as prompts from the 4th step questions below. It’s best to set this up before the meeting. If you are unfamiliar with the step, reading it in paths to recovery before you share is incredibly useful).
Welcome to the Step 4 meeting of Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A) Meeting. Please make sure you are muted if you are not sharing to cut down on background noise.
My name is _________________ and I am the leader for this meeting. And I am an alienated……….. I have……kids and please identify what contact………. you have.
We start the meeting with the serenity prayer (PASTE THIS IN THE CHAT), you can replace god with higher power or anything else that resonates with you. Please unmute if you would like and chant along.
- God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
ALIENATION is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone else’s ALIENATING BEHAVIOR is too devastating for most people to bear without help. In PA-A we learn that nothing we say or do can cause or stop someone else’s ALIENATING behavior. We are not responsible for another person’s disease or recovery from it.
By learning to focus on ourselves, our attitudes and well-being improve.
Before Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A), we kept ourselves busy seeking solutions for the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.). When what we were trying to accomplish wasn’t succeeding, we told ourselves to work harder or to try something else. We may even have told ourselves; it was our fault if we couldn’t convince the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.) to get help. If we could only find the right words at the right time, relayed in just the right tone of voice, then maybe we could get the alienator to see things our way. Desperate to fulfill our dreams for a happy family life, we thought that devoting all our energy to the problem was the answer. Little did we know we were actually contributing to the problem by trying to force solutions.
PA-A is a fellowship that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends who are affected by alienation regardless of whether or not the alienator recognizes the existence of a problem or seeks help. Members give and receive comfort and understanding through a mutual exchange of experience, strength, and hope. Sharing of similar challenges binds individuals and groups together in a bond that is protected by a tradition of anonymity. PA-A is not a religious organization or a counseling agency. It is not a treatment center nor is it allied with any other organization offering such services. PA-A, neither expresses opinions on outside issues nor endorses outside enterprises. No dues or fees are required. Membership is voluntary, requiring only that one’s own life has been adversely affected by someone else’s alienating behaviors.
- It is now time for the secretary report. (the secretary introduces themselves and makes meeting announcements) The Secretary will turn the meeting back over to the leader when announcements are completed. .
- This is a Step 4 meeting, the step 4 reads (PLEASE PASTE THIS IN THE CHAT)……. “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
- Steps one, two and three taught us about the disease of alienation, that we are powerless over the disease, and that a power greater than ourselves can return us to sanity, if we so desire. As in climbing a staircase, we are at the next step…. A step for spiritual self discovery. In nine simple words, step four challenges us to take a thorough look at ourselves, the positives as well as the negatives. The decision to turn our life and will over to the care of a higher power is demonstrated when we follow it up with the action of taking our moral inventory. The word searching has an important impact. This word tells us that it is going to take some research into our past, looking for all the personal issues that are part of our makeup. Searching is similar as to when we lose our keys. We search for them until they are found or until we are satisfied that they are gone forever. Similarly, the search through our moral character must be equally thorough…….
- At this meeting, we use a timer. You will have 3 minutes to share, plus an additional 1 minute to wrap up. (If there are more than 14 people at the meeting, the time will be reduced to 2 minutes to share plus 1 minute to wrap up.) Who would like to volunteer to be timer? (Ask for a volunteer to time). The timer will let you know when you have 1-minute remaining, they will raise one finger. Please acknowledge that you see them. If you do not acknowledge the timer they will announce verbally when you have 30 seconds remaining. The timer will announce “TIME” once your allotted time is complete. We do this in order to make sure as many people as possible get to share. Please have folks qualify if comfortable with at least their first name
- Leader will share for 3-5 minutes about their experience with step 4 (for leader only) leader please use this formula to break down your share ……………30-45 seconds on what it was like for you as a newcomer. …………….1 minute what recovery looks like in your life now from attending meetings …………… 2 minutes what life is like now/whats happening in your world …………….1 minute what are you doing to recover your life, your sanity & your future
- <<<<<<<<please post the 8 questions from the 4th step inventory below as prompts for sharing>>>>>>>>
- We will now have time for sharing. Please raise your hand if you would like to share, if more than 20 people are present please raise your virtual hand or type your name in to the chat. We ask that you relate your sharing from your own experience, strength, and hope, keeping the focus on yourself and Step 4. Please make sure to include your recovery and what you are doing to take care of yourself today in your share.
- An important reminder to anyone that chooses to share, PAA is a recovery based group. Please focus part of share on your recovery.The secretary or leader will interrupt you and redirect your share if needed. This is done in order to keep this space safe for all members.
Please refrain from crosstalk. This is defined as commenting on someone else’s share. We intentionally refrain from sharing or giving advice on another’s share. If you are moved by someone else’s share, feel free to contact them in the chat. Not everyone will want to chat or connect one on one. If you have any questions about the meeting or PA-A, the zoom link is open 10 minutes before the meeting and 10 minutes after the meeting. Please come early or stay late for some fellowship.
- AT 645pm the leader says………..It now time to read some of the 4th step questions of PA-A adapted from paths to recovery. A link to the questions will be posted in the chat by the secretary.
From Paths to Recovery on the 4th step
- 1-In what ways am I resentful? Do I harbor a grudge? Why?
- 2-Whom do I resent it from my past? Why? What is my part in it?
- 3-When do I judge other people harshly and resent that, they’re not doing what I think they should?
- 4-Do I hold everyone and everything to an impossible standard of ideal perfection?
- 5-Do I feel sorry for myself? Am I filled with self-pity? How do I feel I have been a victim? What is my part in it?
- 6-Am I a fixer? Do I like to be in charge? Do I get upset when I don’t win? What consequences have I had from taking care of others instead of myself it’s?
- 7-Do I listening in meetings and except that others have needs different from mine?
- 8-How am I honest? Do I tell the whole truth? If not, what stops me from telling the truth?
We will now return to open sharing, who would like to share?
- If everyone has shared before the meeting is complete please allow an additional 2 minutes per person if they have an additional share.
- At 710pm Leader says, “That is all the time we have for sharing”.
Please Read Suggested PA-A closing (attached)
Suggested PA-A Closing
- Members are encouraged to connect with each other for support in between meetings. If you want a copy of our phone list or to be included please ask the secretary in the chat, respond to the meeting email or sign on to PA-A.org and fill in the suggestion form with your information. As a reminder the zoom link will stay open an extra ten minutes at the end of the meeting for questions and fellowship.
- A suggestion to the new comer, please try 5 or 6 meetings before you make a decision if this program is a fit for you. It takes time to acclimate to the group, the context of the shares, the emotions that might come up and to build consistency, safety and a sense of belonging.
In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed here were
strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and
leave the rest.
The things you heard were spoken in confidence and should be
treated as confidential. Keep them within the walls of this room and
the confines of your mind.
A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long:
Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had
them, too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will
come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered
and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.
Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there
be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the
understanding, love, and peace of the program grow in you one day at
- We will now have a moment of silence for anyone out there struggling with the effects of parental alienation in their lives. (after 5-10 seconds knock on the table to close this moment of silence)
- To End The meeting………….(please read this slowly so people can chant along)
Please join me in the Serenity Prayer.
God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
****the meeting is over, please unmute and join in some fellowship and or questions****