PA-A SLOGANS MEETING (leader script)

Welcome to THE PA-A SLOGANS MEETING of Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A) Meeting. Please make sure you are muted if you are not sharing to cut down on background noise.

My name is _________________ and I am the leader for this meeting. (please qualify) My name is……. And I am an alienated……….. I have……kids and please identify what contact you have.

We start the meeting with the serenity prayer (PLEASE PUT THE serenity PRAYER IN THE CHAT), you can replace god with higher power or anything else that resonates with you. Please unmute and join in and chant if you would like.

  1.  God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

  1. I am going to read the PA-A preamble.
    • PA-A Preamble

ALIENATION is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone else’s ALIENATING BEHAVIOR is too devastating for most people to bear without help. In PA-A we learn that nothing we say or do can cause or stop someone else’s ALIENATING behavior. We are not responsible for another person’s disease or recovery from it.

By learning to focus on ourselves, our attitudes and well-being improve.

Before Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A), we kept ourselves busy seeking solutions for the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.). When what we were trying to accomplish wasn’t succeeding, we told ourselves to work harder or to try something else. We may even have told ourselves; it was our fault if we couldn’t convince the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.) to get help. If we could only find the right words at the right time, relayed in just the right tone of voice, then maybe we could get the alienator to see things our way. Desperate to fulfill our dreams for a happy family life, we thought that devoting all our energy to the problem was the answer. Little did we know we were actually contributing to the problem by trying to force solutions.

PA-A is a fellowship that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends who are affected by alienation regardless of whether or not the alienator recognizes the existence of a problem or seeks help. Members give and receive comfort and understanding through a mutual exchange of experience, strength, and hope. Sharing of similar challenges binds individuals and groups together in a bond that is protected by a tradition of anonymity. PA-A is not a religious organization or a counseling agency. It is not a treatment center nor is it allied with any other organization offering such services. PA-A, neither expresses opinions on outside issues nor endorses outside enterprises. No dues or fees are required. Membership is voluntary, requiring only that one’s own life has been adversely affected by someone else’s alienating behaviors.

  1. It is now time for the secretary report.  (the secretary introduces themselves and makes meeting announcements) The Secretary will turn the meeting back over to the leader when announcements are completed
  • This is a slogans meeting…..slogans are used a prompt for the topic of this meeting. (The leader picks any 1 slogan (slogans are the last page of format) & PUTS the slogan and related text IN THE CHAT, leader has a second slogan selected in case it is needed, later in the meeting.)                                                        
  • Slogans serve as a gentle, calming reminders that our circumstances might not be as impossible or as desperate as they at first appear. These concise expressions of wisdom offer quick reassurance that we really are able to cope with whatever life brings, prompting us to take constructive action and to treat ourselves and others with compassion and respect. Even when we are too new to Al-Anon or too overwhelmed by our circumstances to recall on of the many Al-Anon principles that may apply, a simple slogan can put the entire situation into perspective…
  • At this meeting, we use a timer. You will have 3   minutes to share, plus an additional 1 minute to wrap up. (If there are more than 14 people at the meeting, the time will be reduced to 2 minutes to share plus 1 minute to wrap up.) Ask for a volunteer to time. The timer will let you know when you have 1-minute remaining, they will raise one finger. Please acknowledge that you see them. If you do not acknowledge the timer they will announce verbally when you have 30 seconds remaining.  The timer will announce “TIME” once your allotted time is complete. We do this in order to make sure as many people as possible get to share. Please have folks qualify if comfortable with at least their first name
  1. Leader will share for 3-5 minutes about the slogan they pick ……………please use the first 30-45 seconds on what it was like for you as a newcomer.
  1. We will now have time for sharing. Please raise your hand if you would like to share, if more than 20 people are present please raise your virtual hand or type your name in to the chat. We ask that you relate your sharing from your own experience, strength, and hope, keeping the focus on yourself and the slogan. Please make sure to include your recovery and what you are doing to take care of yourself today in your share.

Please refrain from crosstalk. Cross talk is defined as sharing on another person’s share or directly responding to another person. If you are moved by another’s share, please contact them directly in the chat, please remember not everyone will want to chat or connect 1 on 1. If you have any questions about the meeting or PA-A, the zoom link is open 10 minutes before the meeting and 10 minutes after the meeting. Please come early or stay late for some fellowship.

An important reminder to anyone that chooses to share, PAA is a recovery based group. Please focus part of share on your recovery.The secretary or leader will interrupt you and redirect your share if needed. This is done in order to keep this space safe for all members.

  1. AT 430pm the leader reads
    • PA-A is a 12 step program, We go through the steps 1 step at a time in order, to help support our emotional and spiritual recovery.
    • Read the 12 steps (steps attached)
  2. THE TWELVE STEPS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION ANONYMOUS (PA-A.org)

**Option for leader (Please replace God with higher power if it is an appropriate choice for you)

1. We admitted we were powerless over PEOPLE (Our alienator, our children, our grandchildren, our parents and any other relationships)—and that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood them.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked them to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood them, praying only for knowledge of their will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other folks suffering from this disease and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

  • We will now return to open sharing, who would like to share?
    1. If everyone has shared before the meeting is complete please allow an additional 2 minutes per person if they have an additional share. (Add an additional slogan to the chat for the second round of sharing)
    1. At 510pm Leader says, “That is all the time we have for sharing”.

    Please Read Suggested PA-A closing

    Suggested PA-A Closing

    A suggestion to the new comer, please try 5 or 6 meetings before you make a decision if this program is a fit for you. It takes time to acclimate to the group, the context of the shares, the emotions that might come up and to build consistency, safety and a sense of belonging.

    • Members are encouraged to connect with each other for support in between meetings. If you want a copy of our phone list or to be included please ask the secretary in the chat, respond to the meeting email or sign on to PA-A.org and fill in the suggestion form with your information. As a reminder the zoom link will stay open an extra ten minutes at the end of the meeting for questions and fellowship.


    In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed here were
    strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and
    leave the rest.
    The things you heard were spoken in confidence and should be
    treated as confidential. Keep them within the walls of this room and
    the confines of your mind.
    A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long:
    Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had
    them, too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will
    come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered
    and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.
    Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there
    be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the
    understanding, love, and peace of the program grow in you one day at
    a time.

    1. We will now have a moment of silence for anyone out there struggling with the effects of parental alienation in their lives. (after 5-10 seconds knock on the table to close this moment of silence)
    1. To End The meeting………….(please read this slowly so people can chant along)

    Please join me in the Serenity Prayer.

    God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

    The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference

    *****the meeting is now done, please unmute if you would like to join in a couple moments of fellowship and or questions*****

    AL-ANON SLOGANS How Al-Anon Works

    1. The slogan, “Keep It Simple” helps to remind us that simple solutions are often the most effective ones. This slogan can help us look at what really is happening rather than what we imagine may happen, and to take a reasonable, step by step approach rather than act out of fear or panic.
      “Sometimes the “It” in “Keep It Simple” can be the program itself.”
    2. The slogan, “How Important Is It” helps us to have perspective, to determine what is of most value to personally, and to avoid being upset over things that are of minimal importance at the moment. It helps free us to appreciate the good things that life offers.

      “It’s not important for me to comment on everything I hear.  It is important for me to let go and let others make decisions for themselves.” Hope For Today (B‑27), p.142

      “Al‑Anon helped me to let live by teaching me about detachment and helping me to see that many of my problems stemmed from minding everyone’s business but my own.” Courage to Change (B-16), p. 234
    3. The slogan, “Easy Does It” helps us remember that trying to “force solutions” often does not work. We may not be able to solve every problem in the time frame we wish to solve it in. Some problems may not be for us to solve. Sometimes a gentler, more patient approach is more effective and less frustrating.

      “Easy Does It” suggests not only that I learn to slow down, but also that I learn to lighten up. Today I will strive to take a more accepting attitude toward myself and to enjoy the day, regardless of what I achieve.” Courage To Change (B‑16), p. 93“Improving our own attitudes, and our own state of mind, takes time. Haste and impatience can only defeat our purposes.” This Is Al‑Anon (P‑32), p. 9
    4. The slogan, “Keep An Open Mind” helps us to be open to ideas
      from sources that we might not have imagined could be helpful.
      It helps us to take advantage of all opportunities.

      ​“When I count my blessings, I remember to count Al-Anon’s gift of hope.” Hope For Today (B-27), p. 366

      “If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.”(Suggested Al‑Anon/Alateen Closing), This Is Al‑Anon (P-32), p. 11
    5. The slogan, “Think” helps us to remember to think before we act on or react to situations. This slogan helps us make good decisions about how to act. When we apply this slogan, it helps free us from distorted thinking and impulsive, potentially destructive decision-making.

      “Am I expecting everything in life to be just the way I want it? Maybe I ought to take a good look at those expectations and see if they are realistic for my particular situation. If I’m constantly reaching for the moon, I’m going to miss a lot of pleasant things right here in my little world.”

      ​“The Serenity Prayer is excellent medicine for discontentment.” One Day At A Time (B-6), p. 298
    6. The slogan, “Progress not perfection“   A mistake a day keeps my perfectionism at bay.  Today I will endeavor to enjoy my humanness.” Hope for Today (B-27), p. 335

      “My sponsor’s gentle reminder of ‘Progress, not perfection’ encourages my to give myself credit.” How Al‑Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics (B-32), p. 340
    7. The slogan, “Keep coming back”. They asked me to come back.  I told them I had to go home and vacuum, that I really didn’t have the time – and, if they had anything to tell me, they should write it down and I would review it.  They smiled and said, “Just ‘Keep Coming Back’!”  They exchanged hugs – which I did not like or want. I ran out!” (Member Sharing#60), Many Voices, One Journey (B-31), p. 191

      “Some members are initially reluctant to go to meetings, but ultimately remain in Al‑Anon for many years. Was I reluctant to attend Al‑Anon meetings? What kept me coming back?” Many Voices, One Journey (B-31), p. 192
    8. The slogan, “But For The Grace Of God” helps to remind us to be compassionate with others, including the alcoholics in our lives. This slogan can help us avoid impatience,criticism, resentment, and vengefulness, which does harm to ourselves as well as to others.

      “When I take time for gratitude, I perceive a better world. Today I will appreciate the miracles all around me.” Courage To Change (B-16),
      ​p. 282

      “Even the darkest of moments can be faced with a grateful heart, if not for the crisis itself, at least for the growth it can evoke with the help of our Higher Power.” . . . In All Our Affairs (B-15), p. 209
    9. The slogan, “One Day At a Time” provides a practical approach to challenges and fears. We focus our energies on dealing productively with today, and we give up worrying about a future we can not predict or control and about a past we cannot change. It helps us break overwhelming tasks into manageable steps.

      “Just for today I choose to enjoy all this day has to offer.  If I don’t
      like the offering, I’ll ask my Higher Power to help me adjust my attitude.” Hope for Today (B-27), p. 249

      “I will keep always in mind that today is my sole concern, and that I will make it as good a day as I can.” One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon (B-6), p. 79
    10. “The slogan, ‘Listen and Learn’ reminds us that if we have the self-discipline to be quiet and pay attention to others’ words, we can learn a tremendous amount about ourselves and our world.” How Al‑Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics (B-32), p. 97-98
    11. The slogan, “First Things First” helps us to set reasonable priorities and to keep a realistic perspective. This slogan helps us to make choices we are comfortable with, and to act with balance rather than react to crises.

      “How can I apply “First Things First” to clarify a confounding task today?” Hope for Today (B-27), p. 73

      “‘First Things First’ helps us make more workable choices and to live with the choices we make.” How Al‑Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics (B-32), p. 69
    12. The slogan, “Let It Begin With Me” helps us to keep the focus on and be responsible for our own actions and behaviors. This slogan helps us to take action to change the things we can change and to take the responsibility to get our own needs met, rather than waiting for others to change or to meet our needs for us.

      “How I respond to someone’s lack of interest in Al‑Anon may convey the message of recovery better than any detailed personal testimony.” Hope For Today (B-27), p. 56

      ​“The problem is that those who need it don’t always want it. We can share our experience, strength, and hope with them and be a good example of Al‑Anon recovery by practicing its principles in all our affairs.” Paths to Recovery (B-24), p. 227
    13. The slogan, “Just For Today” tells us that things are more manageable when we deal with and live in the present. Things that seem way too difficult to manage long term may seem more manageable if we deal with them just for today. We can move forward in small steps rather than be  overwhelmed by trying to change everything at one time. This is described further in the Al-Anon pamphlet, Just For Today.

      ​“Just for today I will look for ways to enjoy life – stop by a garden, try a new hobby, or call a good friend.  I can look for humor. I can savor love.  I can explore something new.  Maybe just for today, I’ll try standing on my head to see if I like the view.” Courage to Change (B-16), p. 274

      “Just for today I will find a little time to relax and to realize what life is and can be; time to think about God and get a better perspective on myself.”Alcoholism, the Family Disease (P-4), p. 17
    14. The slogan, “Let Go And Let God” helps us to let go of trying to control things we can not control. When our attempts at control are not working, when we feel we have run out of options, when we don’t know what we can do,  this slogan helps us trust that a Power greater than ourselves will help us when the time is right.

      ​“When I let go and let God work in my life, the pendulum that swings between the black-and-white of obsession and indifference finds balance in the peaceful colors of serenity.” Hope for Today (B-27), p. 76

      “This slogan gives us permission to replace stress, worry and suffering with serenity and faith.” How Al‑Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics (B-32), p. 76
    15. The slogan, “Live And Let Live” has two parts. “Let live” reminds us to allow others the dignity of making their own decisions and experiencing the consequences of their decisions and choices. By minding our own business, we are freed from feeling responsible for changing other. We also learn to “live” by taking care of our own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.

      ​”Live and Let Live” helps me stay on my own plot of recovery where I can do the most good, rather than wasting my time on someone else’s.” Hope for Today (B-27), p. 70

      “Our only concern should be our own conduct, our own improvement, our own lives.  We are entitled to our own view of things, and we have no right to inflict it on anyone else.” Alcoholism, the Family Disease
       
      (P-4), p. 17

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