PA-A Courage to Change (leader script)
Welcome to THE PA-A Courage to change meeting of Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A) Meeting. Please make sure you are muted if you are not sharing to cut down on background noise.
My name is _________________ and I am the leader for this meeting. (please qualify) My name is……. And I am an alienated……….. I have……kids and please identify what contact you have.
Please just give a quick introduction there will be time for you to share in a more complete and meaningful way later in the meeting.
We start the meeting with the serenity prayer (PLEASE PUT THE PRAYER IN THE CHAT), you can replace god with higher power or anything else that resonates with you. Please unmute and join in and chant if you would like
- God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- I am going to read a page or so of announcements and then we are going to jump right into the meeting.
- PA-A Preamble
ALIENATION is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone else’s ALIENATING BEHAVIOR is too devastating for most people to bear without help. In PA-A we learn that nothing we say or do can cause or stop someone else’s ALIENATING behavior. We are not responsible for another person’s disease or recovery from it.
By learning to focus on ourselves, our attitudes and well-being improve.
Before Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A), we kept ourselves busy seeking solutions for the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.). When what we were trying to accomplish wasn’t succeeding, we told ourselves to work harder or to try something else. We may even have told ourselves; it was our fault if we couldn’t convince the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.) to get help. If we could only find the right words at the right time, relayed in just the right tone of voice, then maybe we could get the alienator to see things our way. Desperate to fulfill our dreams for a happy family life, we thought that devoting all our energy to the problem was the answer. Little did we know we were actually contributing to the problem by trying to force solutions.
PA-A is a fellowship that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends who are affected by alienation regardless of whether or not the alienator recognizes the existence of a problem or seeks help. Members give and receive comfort and understanding through a mutual exchange of experience, strength, and hope. Sharing of similar challenges binds individuals and groups together in a bond that is protected by a tradition of anonymity. PA-A is not a religious organization or a counseling agency. It is not a treatment center nor is it allied with any other organization offering such services. PA-A, neither expresses opinions on outside issues nor endorses outside enterprises. No dues or fees are required. Membership is voluntary, requiring only that one’s own life has been adversely affected by someone else’s alienating behaviors.
- It is now time for the secretary report. (the secretary introduces themselves and makes meeting announcements) The Secretary will turn the meeting back over to the leader when announcements are completed
- This is a Courage to Change meeting. Courage to Change is a daily reader than we use support our recovery, meditate and journal on. The leader has picked 3 topics from the back of the book and 3 readings for each. We will go around the room reading and sharing on the topic we choose. FOR EXAMPLE I MIGHT PICK ……. ON PG………
- Everyone is encouraged to bring their reader, if you do not have one a volunteer can do the reading for you.
- At this meeting, we use a timer. You will have 3 minutes to read, share and additional 1 minute to wrap up. (If there are more than 14 people at the meeting, the time will be reduced to 2 minutes to share plus 1 minute to wrap up.) Ask for a volunteer to time. The timer will let you know when you have 1-minute remaining, they will raise one finger. Please acknowledge that you see them. If you do not acknowledge the timer they will announce verbally when you have 30 seconds remaining. The timer will announce “TIME” once your allotted time is complete. We do this in order to make sure as many people as possible get to share. Please have folks qualify if comfortable with at least their first name
- Leader will read and share for 3-5 minutes on their choice of selections from courage to change……………please use the first 30-45 seconds on what it was like for you as a newcomer.
- We will now have time for sharing. Please raise your hand if you would like to share, if more than 20 people are present please raise your virtual hand or type your name in to the chat. We ask that you relate your sharing from your own experience, strength, and hope, keeping the focus on yourself and the acronym. Please make sure to include your recovery and what you are doing to take care of yourself today in your share.
Please refrain from crosstalk. Cross talk is defined as sharing on another person’s share or directly responding to another person. If you are moved by another’s share, please contact them directly in the chat, please remember not everyone will want to chat or connect 1 on 1. If you have any questions about the meeting or PA-A, the zoom link is open 10 minutes before the meeting and 10 minutes after the meeting. Please come early or stay late for some fellowship.
An important reminder to anyone that chooses to share, PAA is a recovery based group. Please focus part of share on your recovery.The secretary or leader will interrupt you and redirect your share if needed. This is done in order to keep this space safe for all members.
- Read 30 minutes after the meeting starts the leader reads
- PA-A is a 12 step program, We go through the steps 1 step at a time in order, to help support our emotional and spiritual recovery.
- Read the 12 steps (steps attached)
- THE TWELVE STEPS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION ANONYMOUS (PA-A.org)
**Option for leader (Please replace God with higher power if it is an appropriate choice for you)
1. We admitted we were powerless over PEOPLE (Our alienator, our children, our grandchildren, our parents and any other relationships)—and that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood them.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked them to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood them, praying only for knowledge of their will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other folks suffering from this disease, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.We will now return to open sharing, who would like to share?
- If everyone has shared before the meeting is complete please allow an additional 2 minutes per person if they have an additional share. (Add an additional acronym to the chat for the second round of sharing)
- At 1010am Leader says, “That is all the time we have for sharing”.
Please Read Suggested PA-A closing
Suggested PA-A Closing
- Members are encouraged to connect with each other for support in between meetings. If you want a copy of our phone list or to be included please ask the secretary in the chat, respond to the meeting email or sign on to PA-A.org and fill in the suggestion form with your information. As a reminder the zoom link will stay open an extra ten minutes at the end of the meeting for questions and fellowship.
- A suggestion to the new comer, please try 5 or 6 meetings before you make a decision if this program is a fit for you. It takes time to acclimate to the group, the context of the shares, the emotions that might come up and to build consistency, safety and a sense of belonging.
In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed here were
strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and
leave the rest.
The things you heard were spoken in confidence and should be
treated as confidential. Keep them within the walls of this room and
the confines of your mind.
A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long:
Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had
them, too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will
come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered
and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.
Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there
be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the
understanding, love, and peace of the program grow in you one day at
- We will now have a moment of silence for anyone out there struggling with the effects of parental alienation in their lives. (after 5-10 seconds knock on the table to close this moment of silence)
- To End The meeting………….(please read this slowly so people can chant along)
Please join me in the Serenity Prayer.
God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference
*****the meeting is now done, please unmute if you would like to join in a couple moments of fellowship and or questions*****