Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgement or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. Separating ourselves from the adverse effects of another person’s ALIENATION can be a means of detaching: this does not necessarily require physical separation. Detachment can help us look at our situations realistically and objectively.
ALIENATION is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone else’s ALIENATING BEHAVIOR is too devastating for most people to bear without help.
In PA-A we learn that nothing we say or do can cause or stop someone else’s ALIENATING behavior. We are not responsible for another person’s disease or recovery from it.
Detachment allows us to let go of our obsession with another’s behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves. We can still love the person without liking the behavior.
IN PA-A WE LEARN:
• Not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people
• Not to allow ourselves to be used or abused by others in the interest of another’s recovery
• Not to do for others what they can do for themselves
• Not to manipulate situations so others will be nice, eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, or behave as we see fit
• Not to cover up for another’s mistakes or misdeeds
• Not to create a crisis
• Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events
By learning to focus on ourselves, our attitudes and well-being improve. We allow the alienators in our lives to experience the consequences of their own actions.
PA-A CAN HELP
PA-A is a fellowship that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends of ALIENATORS whether or not the alienator recognizes the existence of a problem or seeks help. Members give and receive comfort and understanding through a mutual exchange of experience, strength, and hope. Sharing of similar problems binds individuals and groups together in a bond that is protected by a tradition of anonymity.
PA-A is not a religious organization or a counseling agency. It is not a treatment center nor is it allied with any other organization offering such services. PA-A, neither expresses opinions on outside issues nor endorses outside enterprises. No dues or fees are required. Membership is voluntary, requiring only that one’s own life has been adversely affected by someone else’s alienating behaviors.