PAA & NVC needs and feelings weekly group level 1
Welcome to the parental alienation anonymous and nonviolent communication needs and feelings practice group.
We start every meeting with the serenity prayer. Please replace God with higher power or anything else that resonates with you if wanted. Unmute and chant along if that feels appropriate.
Leader, please post this in the chat.
God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot changeThe courage to change the things I canAnd the wisdom to know the difference.PAA (Parental alienation anonymous) is a 12-step program, for people struggling with parental alienation and estrangement. This 12-step programs differs from others in that it has seven foundational trainings to support emotional and spiritual growth and development. Please sign up for meetings & foundational trainings at pa-a.org if you haven’t done so yet. NVC is the 1st foundational training.
NVC (nonviolent communication) is an empathy-based form of communication. If practiced it transforms every relationship in our lives, starting with our relationship to ourselves. We are not conditioned to be good listeners. Generally, we are more interested in what we have to say, fixing or saving someone else and in protecting our ideas and constructs. This inhibits us from really hearing ourselves and others. NVC gives us a framework to transform how we communicate and engage with every person in our lives.
There are 4 basic stages to working with and understanding NVC. Observations, feelings, needs & requests.
1-Observations
Instead of listening to someone’s story or narrative we practice listening to what they are actually trying to communicate by trying to understand their feelings and needs.
2-Feelings
We use discernment to try and uncover our own feelings or another’s.
3-Needs
Under every feeling is a need we are trying to meet. For example, I can be feeling anxious because I have a need for safety.
4-Requests
Once I identify me needs or others it is important to discern if any action is needed. In the example above I figured out I was anxious because I had a need for safety. My request might be “can we please leave this restaurant”.
We gather to practice identifying and sharing our feelings, our needs and subsequent requests. We will all be working from the same feelings and needs lists. If you don’t have the most current version, we can text or email them to you now. Does anyone need the list? It would be useful to have a pen and paper to take some notes during the feelings and needs process.
Overview of the group
Stuffed and stored emotions block the life force in our bodies. This is especially true with folks struggling with any form of parental alienation and/or as estrangement. These blockages interfere with our ability to fully engage life’s joys and obstacles.
This group will focus on needs, feelings and ultimately requests. As we share our feelings, recognize our needs and then ask for our needs to be met(request)s, the emotional blockages are released and we can engage life in a new and meaningful way.
“When our emotions are free to flow everything becomes possible”
We will go around the group and qualify. Qualifying is useful in getting to know each other. In order to qualify please say your name, how you are alienated (parent, grandparent ect), how many kids or grandkids you have and what kind of contact you have. Everyone will have time later in the group to share more.
Here is an example-
My name is Jimmy, I am an alienated father, I have two daughters, I haven’t seen my 15-year-old daughter for two years and I still have contact with my 13-year-old daughter.
I will qualify first and then we will go around the group each get an opportunity to qualify.
We will now begin the NVC part of this meeting. Please say your name, a feeling and a need from the list. You can add a request if you’re already familiar with the process. All feelings and needs are universal. Everyone has all of them.
I will start, my name is———–. Let me take a moment to think and feel what does alive in me right now? Looking at the list, I’m feeling———–, because my need for———-is/is not being met. My request is———-.(Facilitator, reflect what each person says, and welcomes them.)
We like to begin individual shares with someone who has something alive in them right now. Meaning, strong emotions of any sort.Who would like to go next?
· Please share briefly about the situation. Roughly 40 words, or four sentences. The reason for this is to keep us all focused on our needs and feelings and not get distracted by our stories.
· Name the feelings you are experiencing, and what your needs are, or aren’t being met. Please take your time exploring the lists for words that jump out at you. It may be several levels of feelings and needs.
· After all your feelings and needs are expressed, it will be time for you to make a request. A request may be of a higher power, the universe, yourself, or for whatever it is that will make your life more wonderful. Positive requests are actionable, whereas, you can’t do a don’t.
Who in the group would like to reflect the feelings and needs of the next volunteer? It’s a useful practice to have experienced people reflect needs and feelings for new people. New people will get the opportunity to practice by reflecting for experienced people.
Observations…. Feelings…. Needs…. Requests
As the reflector, write down the feelings and need you hear, rather than the story.
Compassionately reflect the feelings and needs you heard the speaker say.
· Ask is there anything else or is there more you would like to say?
· When there is nothing else, ask would you like to make a request?
Who has something alive in them that would like to start the sharing?
Who is an experienced reflector, that would be supporting the next volunteer? Reflectors you shall be supported by the facilitator.
That is all the time we have for sharing.
NVC is an intricate part of working the 1st three steps.
Step 1-“We are powerless over people/institutions/polices and our lives are unmanageable”.
NVC gives us the opportunity to pause, and understand another person instead of reacting. It truly shows us how not listening has made our lives unmanageable over and over again.
Step 2- “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”.
NVC becomes our lens to a different reality and conversation. It returns us to sanity in situations that used to baffle us. We can more often understand what people are saying and what need they are trying to meet.
Step 3- “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God/ our higher power as we understood them.
NVC is a bridge to our higher power. If we practice this method, we get to have more meaningful and mutual relationships. We are doing our work on our side of the street and then turning that work over to our higher power to see if something new manifests in our lives.
Please describe in three words how you are feeling in this moment. I will go first.
We will now have a moment of silence for any people out there who are suffering with any form of parental alienation.
We end every meeting with the serenity prayer. Please replace God with higher power or anything else that resonates with you if you want. Unmute and chant along if that feels appropriate.
Leader, please post this in the chat.
God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can . And the wisdom to know the difference.
The meeting is now closed, we shall keep the zoom open for questions and reflections for approximately 10 minutes.
