Transforming Our Losses (can adapt to any literature meeting)
1-Please ask 3 people to volunteer to Read……… Preamble, 12 Promises, Closing (post the links in the chat so people can read them without screen sharing) https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/literature-study-readings/
2-Please post this link in the chat for the literature we will be reading from in the meeting so people can get set up before the meeting if possible……..please have them save the link for following weeks……..https://docs.google.com/document/d/18TXkjd7ajs5zvt1wewr-BEHAazk-8k0q/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=104868716292182168071&rtpof=true&sd=true
3-Please ask a volunteer to manage the screen sharing during the meeting.
Parental Alienation Anonymous – Sunday Morning Literature Study “Opening Our Hearts – Transforming our Losses”
Welcome everyone to the Sunday Morning Literature Study Meeting of Parental Alienation Anonymous. Please make sure you are muted if you are not sharing to cut down on background noise.
My name is _________________ and I am the leader for this meeting. (please qualify) I have been coming to meetings for…….months, And I am an alienated……….. I have……kids and please identify what contact you have.
We start the meeting with the serenity prayer (PASTE THIS IN THE CHAT), you can replace god with higher power or anything else that resonates with you. Please unmute if you would like and chant along.
Please unmute AND CHANT ALONG if you would like.
God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I have asked …………..to read the preamble.
ALIENATION is a family disease. Living with the effects of someone else’s ALIENATING BEHAVIOR is too devastating for most people to bear without help. In PA-A we learn that nothing we say or do can cause or stop someone else’s ALIENATING behavior. We are not responsible for another person’s disease or recovery from it.
By learning to focus on ourselves, our attitudes and well-being improve.
Before Parental Alienation Anonymous (PA-A), we kept ourselves busy seeking solutions for the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.). When what we were trying to accomplish wasn’t succeeding, we told ourselves to work harder or to try something else. We may even have told ourselves; it was our fault if we couldn’t convince the alienator (child, parent, spouse, etc.) to get help. If we could only find the right words at the right time, relayed in just the right tone of voice, then maybe we could get the alienator to see things our way.
Desperate to fulfill our dreams for a happy family life, we thought that devoting all our energy to the problem was the answer. Little did we know we were actually contributing to the problem by trying to force solutions.
PA-A is a fellowship that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends who are affected by alienation regardless of whether or not the alienator recognizes the existence of a problem or seeks help. Members give and receive comfort and understanding through a mutual exchange of experience, strength, and hope. Sharing of similar challenges binds individuals and groups together in a bond that is protected by a tradition of anonymity. PA-A is not a religious organization or a counseling agency. It is not a treatment center nor is it allied with any other organization offering such services. PA-A, neither expresses opinions on outside issues nor endorses outside enterprises. No dues or fees are required.
Membership is voluntary, requiring only that one’s own life has been adversely affected by someone else’s alienating behaviors.
Are there any newcomers to the meeting? We ask everyone new to the meetings to introduce themselves. We ask you this not to embarrass you but to get to know you.
Please say your 1st name, how many kids, and what contact you have.
HERE IS AN EXAMPLE TO FOLLOW WHEN YOU QUALIFY- (please post this is the chat)
My name is……….
I am an alienated (father, mother, grandparent, relative ect)
I have…….. kids,grandkids
Their ages are ………. (please list all their approximate ages)
I have ………. (no, partial, mix) contact with them
That is all for now. Later in the meeting you will have time for sharing.
A special welcome to the newcomers. It takes dedication and bravery to show up to a new meeting. Listening to others’ experiences can be somewhat scary at first—it takes a bit to hear the message of recovery & hope. It usually takes 5-6 meetings to adjust to new meetings and formats. It has been a slow process for all of us.
I will put a link to a PDF of the newcomers booklet in the chat with some useful information: https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/PA-A-Newcomer-Booklet.pdf
We now have a community resource page, please share any additional resources you have so we can continue to build a useful, current and robust library. I am putting the link in the chat. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Y8BqzuBusIc5ld0s5I3EtJ5E7oKh4yYbOlcZ0UotLIw/edit?usp=sharing Send additional resources to Paaresourcelist@gmail.com
First week of the month:
BIRTHDAY ANNOUNCEMENT: We acknowledge the birthdays of our children, grandchildren and other alienated people in our life at this meeting. Does anyone have a birthday celebration this month ( of December etc.,)? If so, please raise your hand, once called upon please say your child’s name, birthdate & age.
Happy birthday to everyone celebrating. It can be a hard, challenging and triggering time. We as a community are here to support you. Extra meetings, outreach calls and reading of literature are some suggestions for these times.
Announcements
SPONSORSHIP ANNOUNCEMENT: (call on someone to share for 20-30 seconds on what sponsorship means to them.) post this link on what is sponsorship https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/what-is-a-sponsor/
SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Please let me know in the chat or via email if you would like to volunteer and or be of service. Volunteering is a great way to integrate yourself into the group. (ASK FOR A SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT, PICK A member that has a service position & ASK THEM TO share about their experience in service…..LIMIT IT TO 20-30 SECONDS.
Literature announcement: We use Paths to Recovery as our primary literature. It is Al-Anon literature that we adapt for PA-A. Courage to Change and How Al-Anon Works is also used. You can find more info regarding these books at Al-Anon.org or this web site which I will put in the chat: https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/pa-a-literature/
We have a phone list for our group. You might find it helpful to connect with folks for support or just to say hi in between meetings. Please send me your email address & telephone in the chat if you want to be added to the contact list.
Tradition announcement and post at meetings:
It is now time for the 7th Tradition, which states that every PAA group is self-supporting, declining outside contributions. To preserve the autonomy of the meeting, a $2-$5 donation is suggested. Extra funds will be donated to Al-Anon family groups until such a time that PAA has its own group and world services. All meetings will remain free and accessible to everyone, donations are only suggested. Our Venmo address (for US contributions) will be posted in the chat, for non-US members, Paypal can be used.
Please post in the chat: Venmo
https://venmo.com/u/Jennifer-Staton-11 PayPal: https://www.paypal.com/donate?campaign_id=5WWVYLCYTHFA2 Are there Any other PA-A announcements? Please keep your announcement to 30 seconds or less. This is a Literature Study of “Opening Our Hearts – Transforming Our Losses” where we will read and share on a set of paragraphs each week. I am reposting the link the for literature at this time https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eU-VBTKBbuVFdK3zHHsUxrBY6kBiaAEo/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=104868716292182168071&rtpof=true&sd=true Can I get a volunteer to be of service and be the timer? The timer will raise 1 finger when there is a minute left in your share and will announce time when your time for sharing is complete. Is there anyone that hasn’t tried timing before that would like to be of service to the group? This is a great way to integrate yourself into meetings.….. Is there anyone that has timed before that would like to volunteer? Everyone will have 3 minutes to share plus 1 minute to wrap up, please start the timer after they have finished reading. I will read OR I have asked——— to read a paragraph or two and share on the content of that paragraph & on how it relates to me my recovery and my life. We are starting on page…….. paragraph…… The next person that volunteers will identify and then either – A-share on the paragraph that was just read or B-read the next paragraph or two and then share on that reading or the previous readings in relation to your life and recovery. (sharing format for this meeting, please post this in the chat) C-or just read a paragraph As a suggestion you can replace Al-Anon with PAA and alcoholic with alienator/alienation where useful or just read the text as written. We will continue with sharing and reading paragraph by paragraph until 955 am, then we shall just share on any of the readings for the remainder of the meeting. It is highly encouraged to purchase the book so you can make notes and refer back to the book easily during the meeting. Here is a link (post link in chat )for all the readings in case you do not have the book, please open this in a browser on your computer or on your phone so you can toggle back and forth. Everyone will have 3 minutes to share plus 1 minute to wrap up, please start the timer after they have finished reading. Please refrain from crosstalk. Cross talk is defined as sharing or giving advice on another person’s share or directly responding to another person. If you are moved by another’s share, please contact them directly in the chat. If you have any questions about PA-A, please save them until after the meeting. Please be aware that we concentrate our shares on recovery and our own personal experience. The meeting is now open for reading & sharing. (After 45 minutes, the secretary says…) It is now time to read the 12 Promises of PA-A. I have asked to read them for us. I asked ………….…. to read the 12 Promises of PAA The 12 Promises of The PA-A: The promises are from pages 83-84 of the Big Book and cover the promises of what will happen when we diligently work the steps of the 12-step program. Note that these promises from the Big Book come in the context of working Step 9, the step of making amends. “If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through ” (i.e., referencing the step 9 described in the previous paragraph of the Big Book) Promise 1 We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. Promise 2 We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. Promise 3 We will comprehend the word serenity. Promise 4 We will know peace. Promise 5 No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. Promise 6 That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. Promise 7 We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Promise 8 Self-seeking will slip away. Promise 9 Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Promise 10 Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. Promise 11 We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. Promise 12 We will suddenly realize that OUR HIGHER POWER is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. We will now return to sharing, who would like to share? After the reading of the promises we return to open sharing but stop reading literature. That’s all the time we have for reading. We will now switch to just sharing on anything that has been read. (At 70 minutes mark, the secretary says…) We have now come to the end of sharing time. I have asked…… to read theClosing As a reminder the zoom link will stay open an extra ten minutes at the end of the meeting for questions and fellowship. In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. The things you heard were spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Keep them within the walls of this room and the confines of your mind. A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long: Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them, too. If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help. You will come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened. We will now have a moment of silence for anyone out there struggling with the effects of parental alienation. Please join me in the Serenity Prayer. God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference. all links for the meeting I will put a link to a PDF of the newcomers booklet in the chat with some useful information: https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/PA-A-Newcomer-Booklet.pdf We now have a community resource page, please share any additional resources you have so we can continue to build a useful, current and robust library. I am putting the link in the chat. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Y8BqzuBusIc5ld0s5I3EtJ5E7oKh4yYbOlcZ0UotLIw/edit?usp=sharing Send additional resources to Paaresourcelist@gmail.com FANTASTIC Link on what sponsorship IS and isn’t also how to find a sponsor. https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/what-is-a-sponsor/ Literature link, you can find the literature for Transforming our losses and all other Al-Anon and PA-A approved literature. https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/pa-a-literature/ link to a live meeting schedule https://teamup.com/ksjv9w88h637cxorbu Please check this link to find out more about how a meeting operates and how to have your voice heard. You can click on meeting guid lines from the link below to find out about sharing on the group level. https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/pa-a-group-conscience/
